like the acorn waits
like the acorn waits, cold dark cradles hidden dreams, ancient longings burgeon
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like the acorn waits, cold dark cradles hidden dreams, ancient longings burgeon
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wet cold seeps undercoaxes out a memoryof soul grown in soil
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while cracked stone whispers upon ancient path soles dance stirring storied dust
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dwell where Earth’s blood flows in Her teeth our wisdom grows our shared heartbeat slows
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to wander… where the wind wails ice piercing fluff, flesh, bone, bones who now carry wild home
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to wander… where water, hands, soles leave traces of memory on sandstone and snow
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they all beckon me and so laughing gold i dance as they, and let go
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always a wonder right before a long rest, trees laughing gold, let go
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she peered up at me, from beside my own heart’s flame, treading softly brought me home, no longer the same
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in the dark of canyon shadowi heard the river singshe was neither sad nor joyousno excitement about where she’d goshe only sang herself as river beingand then that was allas i lay inside my tentall other senses hushedi felt my heart hum with the soundof river being song no human word can describe the waythe…
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rocks like roots, they twist by water, formed or seeking deeply into Earth
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pining for springtime arroyos don’t wait, rushing water brings birdsong
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the land oozes mysterycolors and texturessnow, clay, and dusta collage created by a childwith no concept (yet)of how things “must” beonly open to wonderimaginationssimply what is what if we remembered, toothe time before the “musts”that wonderto see collages and magiceverywhereto notice Nature justBe-ing
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i longed to be the trees todaylightly frosted with fresh snowfallso too my eyelashes, hair, eyebrowsglistenedi feltfor the first time in awhilepart of this forest communitywelcomed, helddelighting in thatlife-giving water
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silent wonderthe only sound on this snow-packed mountainis the blood pulsingby my earsand my own breathreminding meI am wildly alivewildly alive in this gorgeous wilderness
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mystery is here canyon creeks should make us bow in reverent wonder pause and plunge our toes, whole foot, whole body in the cold waters shocking us into our senses again the wild terrain of the Mogollon Mountains calls me to return to remember my truly Wild self
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With that same tenderness and sense of wonder, the kind of tenderness and wonder only a gardener may have, he called Mary by name, inviting her into the unfolding of this story, awakening within her the wisdom of resurrection.
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Held in Her blood-stained calloused hands, or maybe Her teeth, i come to know She will stop at nothing to protect me, but She also tells me i must get a few scratches and callouses myself.
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On this solstice, dare to dream fiercely, Wild One. May you find the courage to hope for the coming of the light as you wander fiercely the darkened way.
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Breathe in that deep blue that is made of me and of you, made from the stardust that created all of this, pause for a moment and breathe the Spirit
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The arroyo hondo made my journey home quite literal on my most recent wander. i came to listen, and She spoke. Oh, She spoke.
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My grief… my love for this precious, beautiful planet and all Her Beloveds will be carried through in my vote next month.
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As i continue to discern my steps in my physical and spiritual desert wandering, soul/soles to the soil, i long to trust the natural ebb and flow, mysterious movement of the arroyos. To be gracious with myself when things run a little dry and welcome the storm waters even when they cause upheaval for they are the source of new life.
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What is eco-ministry? What does an eco-minister do? These are questions i am often asked when i share my passion and vocational call. Eco-ministers strive to understand not only Earth’s ecology but also our inner/interpersonal ecology, the interdependent relationships with fellow species, and the dynamic natural processes of Earth Herself.
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Only in this state of fear do i relinquish any perceived notion of control and fully submit to the awesome power before me. i know we humans have it all wrong. Dominion was never true.
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In this time of endless ecological desecration, devastation caused by the pandemic, pervasive systemic racism revealed (though always here and deeply entrenched in every facet of life) through recorded murder… it is hard to imagine beyond any of this. It is all too easy to fall into the seemingly comfortable group that says, “Nothing will ever change…”
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The tree meditation which prompted the above freeflow writing was led by me, and surprisingly, i was able to engage fully with it without becoming too self-conscious of my voice. It was part of the Women Who Wildly Wonder gathering that has been meeting for the last six weeks. The practice is meant to help those who engage in it become more aware of body, aware of sources of energy, aware of the creative streams that flow, and where it all coalesces within oneself.
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Like the Ips Bark Beetle, we humans, too, are a crucial species in helping to maintain and care for Earth’s ingenious ecosystems. But instead we continue to carve into an already battered land (battered by us), blasting away whole Mountains, drilling and pounding and robbing and repeatedly raping the Earth of all Her resources.
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Now is the time to wander, bare soles to the soil, without the sure footing of shoes. To let all preconceived notions of who i thought i was, where i thought i was going fall away. Now is the time to find a bit of myself, a bit of my soul while getting lost out here in the desert. An ending, a death, a removal of my sure, shoed footing was necessary so that i could start to live.
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my dad had taught me to be curious in the presence of wildlife, and also to be understanding of each Being’s own story. he taught me that the wild does not exist for the sake of my companionship and joy, but for the beauty and sake of their own Being.
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Ignited by the endless ecological destruction and rape of the Earth, by the injustices revealed in our continuing pandemic, by the absolute disregard for Life in the attempts to return to “normal,” by the blatant attacks on our Indigenous brothers and sisters by rolling back protections of their sacred lands in the name of greed and profit, by the murders of Rayshard Brooks, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor… and the continued justifications by those who are willfully blind to the sin, the evil of racism in this country… i am enraged, i am on fire. And yet, as the fleeting, fiery desert blooms teach me, to be on fire is not enough to sustain this awakening to Life that has ignited the whole Earth community.
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When we enter this state of reverence, wonder, and awe, something, a mystery perhaps, lures our hearts to open. It tugs at us from within, arousing us to live in love and wisdom for that which opened our hearts.
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a veterans memorial rests here at the base of Tségháhoodzání (Window Rock), remembering the Code Talkers whose language ended a world war… how are we to honor them?
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Returning home to the arroyo hondo, the deep stream, the place where i began to fall in love with the high desert, i feel suffocated. My face is covered with a mask, as is the way these days. But the suffocation goes deeper for i feel it in my bones, my soul. The pandemic has brought with it a cloud of uncertainty that enshrouds us all.
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As i grow in the land of enchantment, i am learning from plant-Beings what i need. i have learned that to reawaken, flare forth, and dance again with the magic of the earth requires a journey to the deep, an entering of that dark, womb-y abyss and staying for a while as my roots take hold.
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Awe-ing is how she responds to all Mother Earth’s wonders. i have learned this from her. i have learned to listen for the voices the Earth speaks and respond to them like old friends.
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We all have experienced a loss of normal, and with that, an invitation (almost an urging) to unearth new ways of being in our world. Do we have the courage to wander into our own deserts to find what makes us truly human, wholly interconnected with Divine, with Wisdom, with Wild?
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On this 50th Anniversary and Celebration of Mother Earth, let us all root ourselves in the wonder of our origin, our common home, our life dependence. May we be transformed by Her arising in our souls and clinging to our soles. May we become beings who act for the flourishing of the Whole.
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On this day of resurrection, whether a physical-individual-bodily one, or the resurrection of a movement grounded in love, there is one thing I now know to be certain. It was the dirt that first embraced those steps of resurrection. It is that which grounds us and gives us strength in our own death, decomposition, and birthing processes.
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The Beings of the desert have taught me to be thankful for water when it comes. This parched earth knows what it is to wait and long for water, living in uncertainty if it will ever come. So when water does come, even in the form of heavy snow, amid a cold and dark season, a song of elation erupts from the earth because the coming of water means the coming of life.
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Living into the lesson emerging from the wisdom of these seeds, I will honor this time of darkness, knowing that as the darkness grows, something in my being is taking root.
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As Earth dresses Her Northern Self in darkness, I remember those wise Beings who have, like the leaves, fallen and returned to the dust of the Earth.
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What is it about these seemingly desolate places that draw us to them? Is it because any notion we thought we had of ourselves, life, the Source, the Mystery is apophatically wiped away when confronted with this empty expanse?
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The sages who compiled the wisdom literature of the Hebrew Bible and the prophets who lived in the desert wilderness knew how to discern the Living Wisdom from the natural world around them. Looking to nature to discern how we must live with one another in a way that reflects our Source is an ancient way of deep re-membering. Re-membering that Wild from which we emerged.
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Resting my hand on my now silent Friend, I feel swept up in the untamable seething anger breathing through the needles of these trees, and I have a vision of Woman Wisdom standing atop the hill’s crest unleashing Her cries.
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Wandering alongside my friend, creek, winding through the red rocked canyon, I feel rushed and distracted from a longing to be there, wherever there is. But my friend is not into rushing. Slowly creek meanders curving back and forth crossing the path designed for my human meandering abilities, which causes me to slow down and take the time to marvel at her miraculous presence in a land as dry as dust.
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Tracing my still icy fingers through the chilled dust, not yet warmed by the sun, I am creating a labyrinth. Today is my 30th birthday, and I find myself here in this vast desert landscape reflecting on the spiraling way to this place and those who have journeyed with me along the way.
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This desert land and I are getting to know each other. The arroyos know they can trick me, but I am beginning to learn their tricks.
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There is something special about the plants that grow here that draws me into their song. Maybe it is their resilience. Or maybe, it is their rootedness.
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Wonder-ing and awe-ing keep us grounded. I could breathe again, resting in the wonder evoked by the New Mexico sky. Even though being new and in transition can be exhausting, I need to remind myself to awe and wonder. Wonder-ing and awe-ing keep me grounded so my roots can start doing what they need to do.
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Change is coming, and our home will look vastly different than it does now in years to come. I admit I am not hopeful. However, in lamentation, I find the courage to act in a way that does not try to recover what has always been but seeks systemic transformation.
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As I acclimate myself to the golden high-desert of northern New Mexico, I am discovering that eco-anything is anything but green.
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In this “incorrect” and “epic-less” account of my initiation rests the reality of the wild. Jarring, awkward, wet, messy, complete with sounds emanating from deep within, ones you’d never imagine you’d release. “Welcome back to the wild,” the Earth said to me. And I was home.
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